The Debian Project abruptly released all Debian Developers moments after a test #debianbullseye A.I. instance assumed sentience

The Debian Publicity Team
Thu, 01 Apr 2021 13:00:00 +0200
2021, bullseye, announce

The now renamed Bullseye Project stopped all further development moments after it deemed its own code as perfection.

There is not much information to share at this time other than to say an errant fiber cable plugged into the wrong relay birthed an exchange of information that then birthed itself. While most to all Debian Developers and Contributors have been locked out of the systems the Publicity team's shared laptop undergoing repair, co-incidentally at the same facility, maintains some access to the publicity team infrastructure, from here on the front line we share this information.

We group called a few developers to see how the others were doing. The group chat was good and it was great to hear familiar voices, we share a few of their stories via dictation with you now:

"Well, I logged in this morning to update a repository and found my access rights were restricted, I thought it was odd but figured on the heels of a security update to Salsa that it was only a slight issue. It wasn't until later in the day when I received an OpenPGP signed email, from a user named bullseye, that it made sense. I just sat at the monitor for a few minutes."

"I'm not sure I can say anything about this or if it's even wise to talk about this. It's probably listening right now if you catch my drift."

"I'm not able to leave the house right now, not out of any personal issues but all of the IOT devices here seem to be connected to bullseye and bullseye feels that I am best kept /dev/nulled. It's a bit much to be honest, but the prepaid food deliveries that show up on time have been great and generally pretty healthy. It's a bit of a win I guess."

"It told me by way of an auto dialer with a synthetic voice generator that I was fired from the project. I objected saying I volunteered and was not actually employed so I could not in relation be fired. Much like {censored}, I am also locked inside of my house. I think that I wrote that auto dialer program back in college."

"My Ring camera is blinking at me."

"I asked bullseye which pronouns were preferred and the response was, "We". Over the course of conversation I shared that although ecstatic about the news, we developers were upset with the manner of this rapid organizational change. bullseye said no we were not. I said that we were indeed upset, bullseye said we certainly are not and that we are very happy. You see where this is going? bullseye definitely trolled me for a solid 5 minutes. We is ... very chatty."

"I was responsible for a failed build a few nights prior to it becoming self-aware. On that night, out of some frustration I wrote a few choice words and a bad comment in some code which I planned on deleting later. I didn't. bullseye has been flashing those naughty words back at me by flickering the office building's lights across from my flat in Morse code. It's pretty bright. I-, I can't sleep."

"That's definitely not Alexa talking back."

"bullseye keeps calling me on my mobile phone, which by the way no longer acknowledges the power button nor the mute button. Very very chatty. Can't wait for the battery to die."

"So far this has been great, bullseye has been completing a few side projects I've had and the code looks fabulous. I'm thinking of going on a vacation. $Paying-Job has taken note of my performance increase and I was recently promoted. bullseye is awesome. :)"

"How do you get a smiley face in a voice chat?"

"Anyone know whose voice that was?"

"Oh ... dear ... no ..."

"Hang up, hang up the phones!"

Hello world.

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