Feedback Techniques

🚨 Why Men Get Coached as Leaders and Women Get Scolded Like Schoolgirls Here are 5 pieces of feedback ambitious women hear on repeat - the “Greatest Hits” album of performance reviews: 1. “You need to be more assertive.” 2. “You’re coming across a little too aggressive.” 3. “You should soften your tone.” 4. “You need to work on being more collaborative.” 5. “You’ve become too intense.”     Now, here’s what men get in the exact same situations: 1. “Take more ownership.” 2. “Push harder for your ideas.” 3. “Drive decisions faster.” 4. “Be clearer with your vision.” 5. “Get even more visible.”     Same behavior. Different translation. Because feedback for women is rarely about performance. It’s about how comfortable you make other people feel. For men, feedback is about outcomes. For women, it’s about personality. This is how people are socialized... Boys are praised for taking space. Girls are praised for keeping harmony. Those childhood scripts show up decades later in performance reviews, disguised as “development feedback.” The problem is: too many women drown in this feedback. First they doubt themselves: “Maybe I am too much.” Then they blame the system: “It’s all bias.” Then they surrender: "This is as far as I go.” That spiral helps no one! You cannot rewire an entire culture overnight, but you can reframe the way you hold the feedback. 💡 Here’s how: 1. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰.    When you hear “too aggressive,” ask: “Can you give me a concrete example?” Nine times out of ten, they can’t. That tells you it’s perception, not performance.     2. 𝗔𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀.    “I hear you. My intent was to push the team to deliver by deadline, that’s what drove Q3 results. Was that the concern?”    Redirect from how you came across to what you achieved.     3. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝘀.    If they say “be more collaborative,” ask: “What does that look like in practice?” Don’t adjust blindly. Get them to set the bar. They usually don't know how it looks like)     4. 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗲!    Men don’t make feedback an existential crisis. They strip the one useful line, dump the rest, and move on. So should you.     🔥 Feedback doesn’t define your capability. It defines someone else’s comfort zone. Your job is to take it, decode it, and turn it into leverage. 👉 Want to learn how to turn vague, biased feedback into clarity, authority, and career momentum instead of letting it chip away at your confidence? Join our signature program – From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader https://lnkd.in/djbPtKuE 🌍 It’s a global cohort; you can join from anywhere, anytime. Perfect if you’re short on time: flexible, on-demand content, 2 recorded group coaching calls, and unlimited support through WhatsApp. 👊 Because the trap isn’t the feedback itself, it’s believing it defines you.

I once sat in a performance review where a female colleague received feedback like, "You need to soften your tone in meetings." Meanwhile, her male counterpart got advice about honing his skills in digital marketing to drive better results. This wasn't an isolated incident. Women are often given feedback on their style—how they speak, how they present themselves—while men are given feedback on their skills and performance. This difference is subtle but significant. When we tell women to adjust their style but don’t offer specific, actionable guidance on improving their roles, we hold them back from real growth. It sends the message that success is about fitting in rather than developing the skills that actually move the needle. The impact? Women miss out on critical opportunities for advancement. They don't get the feedback they need to improve in measurable ways while men are groomed for the next significant role. We need to change this if we want to see more women in leadership. It starts with giving women the same actionable, skill-based feedback we offer men. Instead of vague critiques, we need to focus on growth areas tied to business outcomes. For example, rather than saying, "You need to be less direct," say, "Deepen your analytics knowledge so we can optimize our strategy." Clear, actionable feedback empowers women to build the expertise they need to move forward. It’s how we help them close performance gaps, earn promotions, and contribute to the organization's growth. We all have a role to play in this. Giving women the feedback they need isn’t just about helping them—it’s about strengthening the entire team and creating a more equitable workplace. What’s one way you can provide actionable feedback today? Tired of watching women get vague feedback that holds them back? Subscribe to the ELEVATE newsletter for no-nonsense advice on giving women the feedback they need to grow, thrive, and lead—because it's time we start getting real about progress. https://elevateasia.org/

80% of feedback never changes behavior. Not because people don’t care… But because of how it’s delivered. Your style and tone makes a difference. The feedback you give can spark change or trigger resistance. It’s not about being “nice” or “tough.” It’s about being strategic. Here are 5 approaches that turn tough conversations into growth opportunities: 1. COIN Method For when performance needs a reset. Most people jump straight to criticism. But starting with context creates safety. “In yesterday’s meeting…” feels specific. “You always…” feels like an attack. The magic is in the Next step: Don’t just point out problems. Co-create solutions. 2. SBI Model For when you’re recognizing wins or addressing gaps. Vague praise like “Great job” doesn’t teach. Specific feedback does. “When you asked that clarifying question, the client leaned in…” That’s something they can actually repeat. 3. STAR/AR Method For when someone’s ready to level up. Most feedback looks backward. This one builds forward. Review what happened → then explore alternatives. You’re not just fixing mistakes. You’re expanding capacity. 4. DESC Script For when you need to set boundaries. Boundaries don’t push people away. They build trust. The key is Express. Own your experience without blame. “I feel…” lands. “You make me feel…” doesn’t. That’s how accountability shifts. 5. GROW Model For when someone needs guidance, not answers Old-school feedback = “Here’s what to do.” GROW = “Let’s uncover it together.” The power move? Stay curious longer. Ask “What else?” at least 3 times. The best ideas usually come last. One more truth: timing beats technique. Give feedback within 48 hours when memory is fresh. Don’t fire off complaints in the moment. And don’t wait for the once-a-year performance review. Find the sweet spot where perspective is clear and the moment still matters. That’s when feedback creates growth. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or your team) have conversations that actually create change. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

Women face harsher feedback than men. Fix it before you lose talent. Data you can’t igore as a Leader (Textio & Stanford): → 76% of women receive negative reviews. Men? Just 2%. → Women are 22% more likely to get personality critiques. → 56% of women are labeled “unlikable.” Men? Only 16%. → High-performing women face the same bias as low performers. → Women internalize bias 7x more than men. As a result, it’s causing your best talent to leave. How to fix it: 1/ Structure Every Review → Standardize criteria and ditch “gut feelings.” → Focus on measurable outcomes. → Document specific examples to ensure fairness. 2/ Upgrade Your Leadership Team → Conduct bias-detection workshops. → Practice feedback calibration with leaders. → Review patterns to catch unconscious bias early. 3/ Monitor Feedback → Track reviews by gender. → Compare personality vs. performance comments. → Standardize practices across managers. When to start? Your next review cycle. How?  → Use structured tools like Waggle AI to eliminate bias. → Waggle AI help structure feedback & monitor your unconscious bias in meeting. Because talent doesn’t have a gender and neither should your reviews. 👉 Repost to raise awareness about bias in feedback. 👋 Follow Sarah Touzani for actionable leadership insights.

She’s just… unlikeable. Ever heard that in a performance review? A 2024 study analyzing 23,000 reviews just exposed the ugly truth: High-performing women aren’t just judged. They’re judged differently. -“Unlikeable” – 4x more likely to describe women -Emotional” – 7x more likely -Abrasive” – 3x more likely -Bossy” – Almost always used for women And the kicker? Men with the same traits? They’re called leaders. So today, on International Women’s Day, let’s get real: -Women are told to be more confident—then called “too aggressive.” -Women are told to lead—then labeled “difficult.” -Women are told to speak up, then told they’re “too much.” This isn’t just unfair. It’s bad for business. -Women leave quietly. -Companies lose top talent. -Bias kills innovation. So, what’s the fix? 🛑 Stop blaming women for how they show up. Fix the system that’s pushing them out. 5 Data-Backed Fixes: -Ban Biased Feedback – No more personality critiques. -Use AI for Screening – Catch bias before it spreads. -Structured Reviews – Focus on metrics, not opinions. -Train Leaders Differently – Assess behaviors, not personalities. -Audit Everything – What gets measured gets changed. -Better feedback = Stronger teams = Higher performance. -International Women’s Day isn’t just about celebration. It’s about change. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this, drop a 🔥 in the comments. ♻️ Share because it can help others ➕ Follow me for more unfiltered truths about building something that matters. Olga Alcaraz Source: Textio Performance Review Language Study (2024)

Have you ever been told you are too quiet? Maybe you don’t speak up enough so, “people worry about your leadership skills.” Or, you don’t advocate enough for yourself so, “you aren’t taking control of your career like a natural born leader.” If so, this article is for you. Maybe you’ve received feedback that there is concern over your analytical skills and “quant chops.” Or, there is some general, yet vague, feedback that leadership worries, “you lack that killer instinct.” Or, maybe it’s the opposite and you are “too bossy” or “too opinionated.” Have you heard any of these things?  I have over my career. Instead of letting them control my path, I got upset, then angry, then curious. I decided that none of these descriptions were really a good read on me, or my leadership potential, and I decided to change the perception. You can too. I’ve interviewed hundreds of women in senior leadership over the years and one thing is clear: we’re navigating a constant push and pull. Be strong, but not too strong. Be likable, but not too soft. Show your ambition, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Women aren’t just doing the job, they’re doing the extra work of managing how they’re perceived while they’re doing the job. We wrote this piece for HBR because it’s important for women to know how to not only subvert stereotypes and shape how others see them, but to do it without losing themselves in the process. Too many of us think there is nothing we can do when we hear feedback that doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes, there are actions we can take. I love this piece so much because it says we don’t have to be victim to the stories about us or around us, we can do something about it.   1️⃣ Craft a counternarrative – Instead of internalizing biased feedback, reshape how people see you by aligning your strengths with what the organization values (on your terms!). 2️⃣ Use positive association – Enthusiasm and future-focused language can subtly shift others’ assumptions  and build trust. 3️⃣ Turn feedback into power – Don’t immediately accept or reject it, investigate it. Use it to understand what success looks like in your environment, and then find authentic ways to express that in your own leadership style. So if you’ve ever felt like your success depends not just on what you do, but how you’re seen…you’re not imagining it. Especially in times of economic uncertainty and shifting priorities, it becomes even more pronounced. And while there are no one-size-fits-all strategies, when women take control of their story, they open doors for themselves AND others. Let’s stop contorting ourselves to fit outdated models. We can rewrite the models themselves. Let me know what you think. https://lnkd.in/gcCSE7XW Colleen Ammerman Harvard Business Review Lakshmi Ramarajan Lisa Sun

When I first asked my team for feedback, the room went SILENT. Why? Because speaking the truth felt too risky. This isn’t just my story, it’s the reality in countless workplaces. Here’s the truth: feedback is a minefield. 🔴 Done wrong? It breeds tension and mistrust. 🟢 Done right? It fixes problems—it transforms teams. Here’s how to get it right: 1/ Timing Is Everything ↳ Feedback during chaos? Disaster. Wait for a calm moment. ↳ A private 1-on-1 works best. 💡 Pro Tip: Start with a positive comment—it sets the tone. 2/ Lead With Solutions ↳ Complaints without fixes = noise. Solutions = action. ↳ Try this: “We could avoid confusion with more clarity upfront. What do you think?” 💡 Pro Tip: Frame solutions as support for the team’s success, not criticism. 3/ Be Clear, Not Cryptic ↳ Instead of “Communication could be better,” say: ↳ “Inconsistent updates slow me down. Weekly check-ins might help.” 💡 Pro Tip: Use examples to back it up—clarity builds trust. 4/ Use “I” Instead of “You” ↳ Feedback isn’t a blame game. Stick to “I” statements to share your perspective. ↳ Example: “I feel I don’t have enough autonomy to contribute fully.” 💡 Pro Tip: Highlight how solving the issue benefits the whole team. 5/ Know When to Let It Go ↳ Pick your battles. Save your energy for what really matters. ↳ Does this impact the team or my work? If not, let it go. 💡 Pro Tip: Focus feedback on what aligns with team goals. 6/ End With a Vision ↳ Great feedback doesn’t just fix problems—it builds something better. ↳ Paint the big picture: “Here’s how this change could help the team hit the next level.” 💡 Pro Tip: Vision-driven feedback inspires action. The takeaway? Feedback isn’t about proving you’re right, it’s about progress. Master these steps, and you’ll not only solve problems, but you’ll also earn respect and trust. What’s your biggest feedback fail (or win)? Share it below. 👇 ♻️ Repost to help your network get better! ➕ And follow Shulin Lee for more.

Over the past 20 years, I've had the opportunity to work with the world's best leaders. Here’s the truth I’ve seen across every industry, team, and culture: Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t fear criticism. Most people don’t struggle with criticism because of the words being said; they struggle because of the emotions those words trigger. They use it. They turn feedback into fuel. Here’s how you can handle criticism with emotional intelligence: 1) Don’t react Work on self-regulating. Pause for 2–3 seconds. Breathe. Let the emotional spike settle. Instant reactions destroy clarity. Regulated responses create it. 2) Separate the message from the emotion. Ask yourself: What part of this feedback is valuable? What’s not? Self-awareness turns defensiveness into insight. 3) Assume positive intent, even when it’s hard. Most people aren’t trying to attack you. They’re trying to be heard. This mindset shift can transform high-performing teams. 4) Get curious, not combative. Say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Questions lower tensions; curiosity opens doors. 5) Take ownership of your part. Emotionally intelligent leaders reflect, adjust, and move forward. 6) Use criticism to grow your leadership presence. Every piece of feedback is data about: • How you’re showing up • How others experience you • How you can communicate more effectively Criticism is an opportunity reflect, grow and respond with confidence. If you want to lead with influence, trust, and emotional maturity, mastering this skill is non-negotiable. What’s one strategy that has helped you handle tough feedback more effectively? Follow me, Christopher D. Connors, for more insights on how to lead with emotional intelligence.

In my first year as a manager I alienated one of my reports by giving him too much feedback in a direct and pointed way. The feedback was "right" but delivered to bluntly and thus unwelcome. Just because you “can” give feedback doesn’t mean you should. The power of your feedback comes from the trust you build with your reports. Here is how you can build it: The most important thing to understand is that even if you have the institutional authority to deliver this feedback (your title), you need the relational authority before you can deliver it effectively. Read this line again please - doing so will help you avoid either giving pain or making problems for yourself (I did both). This means that your reports need to trust and respect you before they will listen to any feedback you give. You can build this trust and respect by: 0) Being Empathetic I was too blunt. I thought that only being right or wrong mattered, not how I said things or the judgment in my tone and words. I lacked Emotional Intelligence (EQ). How you say things matters, and this means not just the words you say but the real intent behind them. My intention in that early review was not truly focused on helping the person, but rather on scolding him into better behavior. I'm not surprised he reacted poorly to it. 1) Being Consistent Good managers are consistently giving feedback—both bad and good—to their reports. Make sure you are recognizing and acknowledging your employees’ strengths as much (or more) than you are pointing out their areas for improvement. This will make them feel comfortable with you pointing out room for improvement because they know you see them for more than their flaws. 2) Never surprise someone with a review. This is related to point 1. If you are consistently giving small pieces of feedback, a more serious piece of negative feedback should not blindside your employee. They should know that it is coming and understand what the issue is. 3) Deliver corrective feedback ASAP, and use clear examples. As soon as you see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed, address it using clear evidence. This gives the employee the chance to reflect on the behavior while it is still fresh in their minds, not months later when their review comes around. 4) Check in to confirm that you are being heard correctly Ask the employee if they understand the feedback you are giving and why you are giving it. 5) Be specific enough to drive change The more specific behaviors and examples you can use to support your feedback, the better your employee can understand that you aren’t speaking from a place of dislike or bias. This also gives them more concrete references to inform their behavior change. Readers—What other ways do you build a relationship before giving feedback? (Or, how have you messed this up?)

Behaviors are learned and reinforced. To make performance evaluations more inclusive, you need to proactively craft new practices. 🧠 Unbiasing nudges, intentional and subtle adjustments I craft with my clients, can play a pivotal role in achieving an objective and inclusive performance assessment. 👇 Here is what to consider: 🔎 Key Decision Points Analyze your evaluation process to identify key decision points. In my practice, focusing on assessment, performance goal setting, and feedback processes has proven crucial. Introduce inclusive prompts at each stage to guide unbiased decision-making. 🔎 Common Biases Examine previous reviews to unearth prevailing biases. Halo/horn effects, recency bias, and affinity bias often surface. Counteract these biases by crafting nudges tailored to your organization, integrating them seamlessly into your review spreadsheets. 🔎 Behavioral Prompts I usually develop concise pre-decision checklists tailored to each organization. The goal is to support raters' metacognition and introduce timed prompts during the evaluation process. 🔎 Feedback Loops Begin with small-scale implementation and collect feedback. Compare perceptions of both raters and ratees to gauge effectiveness. 🔎 Ongoing Training Avoid off-the-shelf solutions; instead, tailor training to your organization's unique context and patterns. Your trainer should understand your specific needs and design a continuous training program that reinforces these unbiasing nudges, providing managers with the necessary competencies. 🔎 Pilot and Evaluation Define metrics to measure progress and impact. Pilot your unbiasing nudges and regularly evaluate their effectiveness. Adjust based on feedback and insights gained during the pilot phase. 👉 Crafting inclusive performance evaluations is an ongoing journey. Yet, I believe, it's one of the most important ones. Each evaluation matters as it defines a person's career and sometimes even the future. ________________________________________ Are you looking for more DEI x Performance-related recommendations like this?  📨 Join my free DEI Newsletter: