Leading With Empathy

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Empathy isn’t soft it’s a superpower. Used wrong, it burns leaders out. Here’s how to make it sustainable. Empathic orgs see more creativity, helping, resilience and less burnout and attrition. Employees (esp. Millennials/Gen Z) now expect it. Wearing the “empathy helmet” means you feel everyone’s highs and lows. Middle managers fry first. Caring ≠ self-sacrifice. The fix = Sustainable empathy Care without collapsing by stacking: self-compassion → tuned caring → practice. So drop the martyr mindset. • Notice your stress (name it) • Remember it’s human & shared • Talk to yourself like you would a friend • Ask for help model it and your team will too Why does this matter? Unchecked stress dulls perspective and spikes reactivity. When leaders absorb nonstop venting, next-day negativity rises and so does mistreatment. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Move 2: Tune your caring Two empathies: • Emotional empathy = feel their pain • Empathic concern = help relieve it Keep concern high, distress low. “Caring binds; sharing blinds.” How to tune (in the moment) • 60 seconds of breathing before hard talks • Validate without absorbing: “This is hard and it makes sense.” • Boundaries + presence: “I’m here. Let’s focus on next steps.” • Offer concrete help: “Here’s what we’ll try by Friday.” • Also share joy celebrate wins to refuel the tank Move 3: Treat empathy as a skill It’s trainable. Build emotional balance: shift from absorbing pain → generating care. Try brief compassion meditation (“May you be safe, well, at ease.”) and pre-regulate before tough conversations. Mini audit after tough chats Ask yourself: • How much did I feel with vs. care for? • What do they need long-term? • What will I do to help this week? A simple script 1. Validate: “I can see why this stings.” 2. Future: “Success looks like X.” 3. Action: “Let’s do Y by [date]; I’ll support with Z.” Team rituals that sustain you • Start meetings with “What help do you need?” • Normalize asking for support • Micro-celebrate progress weekly • Protect recovery blocks on calendars Self-compassion + tuned concern + practice = sustainable empathy. What’s one habit you’ll try this week to protect your energy and support your team?

Early in my career, I told my leader that I wanted more practice in my executive presentation skills. She let me know that I could plan on delivering my business unit report at the next month's executive meeting. I was scared, excited and insecure at all once. I prepared as best I knew how. In the meeting, the CEO started rapid-firing his questions. I could feel my face and neck glow bright red. I was starting to stutter in my answers a bit. I felt like I was observing my own train wreck in action. I don't know who felt the most pain in that meeting, me, with the hot neck and sweaty armpits, or my boss, who was watching the train wreck go down in real time. (Have you ever had to watch these?! 🫣) But she embraced a key leadership skill: She didn't intervene. She let me carry on with my presentation, let me handle the answers, and only answered when the CEO directed questions at her. You might be thinking that my boss was a horrible leader for letting me commit a slow form of career death in that meeting. But what if this type of leadership is exactly what women need to lead more confidently, develop others, and cultivate their teams so they can lead more by doing less? What if this is transforming from doing to leading in action? My boss knew exactly what she was doing. I asked her for an opportunity to build my executive presentation skills, and she delivered. She prepped the leaders that this would be my first time. The stakes were low - everyone was having a little fun with me as a first time presenter. Instead of jumping in to rescue me, to play the hero, she allowed me to struggle and coached me after the fact by asking me questions on what I would try differently next time to be more prepared. 🔥 If you want to transform your role from doer to leader, it's important to notice where you are unintentionally taking over to prevent discomfort and struggle, which is exactly where the learning happens. It teaches people they don't need to fully prepare, because you'll step in to save them. Two people lose confidence in this scenario - the employee who doesn't grow new skills and the leader who is overwhelmed from taking over her team's work. Where do you need a pause a bit longer this week and allow people to learn through a bit of struggle? #womenleaders #careers #confidence #leadershipdevelopment

The phrase "crashing out" is rapidly gaining traction, describing a breaking point where employees, overwhelmed and exhausted, impulsively disengage—sometimes even quitting without a backup plan. This trend reflects a deeper crisis of mental fatigue, burnout, and a collective inability to cope with prolonged stress and intense workplace pressures. It’s a symptom that goes beyond simple job dissatisfaction, stemming from a fundamental disconnect between individual needs and organizational support. Research highlights several core reasons behind this phenomenon: employees' quest for progress isn't being met; they feel a loss of control, a misalignment with company values, or simply need to take a critical next step in their lives. Coupled with inadequate communication, poor performance management, and a lack of psychological safety, these factors create environments where stress turns into systemic overload, leading individuals to hit a wall. For HR leaders, this is a critical call to action. To stem the tide of "crashing out" and foster a resilient workforce, consider these essential responses: Prioritize Individual Progress: Understand each employee's unique career quest and provide pathways for skill development, challenge, and advancement. Enhance Communication & Transparency: Establish clear, consistent communication channels, ensuring employees feel informed, heard, and supported. Vague benefit details or unclear performance metrics are no longer acceptable. Revamp Performance Management: Move beyond annual reviews to continuous, supportive feedback that clarifies expectations and helps employees align their work with their goals. Cultivate Psychological Safety: Create an environment where employees feel safe to express vulnerability, set boundaries, and admit when they are not okay, without fear of repercussions. Normalize Rest & Well-being: Actively promote work-life balance and model healthy boundaries. Invest in mental health resources and peer support systems to build a more resilient workforce. Empower Managers: Equip leaders with the tools and training to have ongoing, empathetic conversations about well-being and progress, truly knowing their teams' needs. Addressing "crashing out" isn't just about retention; it's about building a sustainable, human-centric workplace where employees can thrive. https://lnkd.in/eYRGhZ3g #HR #EmployeeWellbeing #Burnout #WorkplaceCulture #HumanResources #FutureOfWork #EmployeeEngagement

People rarely leave companies. They leave environments where they stop feeling valued. Retention is not a policy. It is an experience employees live every single day. No one resigns because of one difficult meeting or one demanding quarter. They disengage when appreciation fades, growth slows, or trust weakens. This visual beautifully captures what truly makes people stay: 💰 Fair Compensation Compensation is not just salary — it signals dignity and acknowledgement. 🤝 Guidance & Mentorship When leaders invest time in people, loyalty follows naturally. 🎯 Meaningful Challenge Talented professionals want to be stretched, not sidelined. 📈 Visible Growth Path Progression fuels ambition. Stagnation fuels exits. 🗣 Inclusion in Decisions Involvement builds ownership. Ownership builds commitment. ❤️ Recognition Appreciation is oxygen for motivation. 🔐 Trust Autonomy inspires performance far more than control ever can. 💡 Empowerment When people are trusted with responsibility, they rise to it. At its core, retention is not about perks or policies. It is about respect, growth, and trust — practiced consistently. For leaders, this isn’t an annual HR initiative. It’s a daily leadership discipline. #EmployeeRetention #LeadershipMatters #WorkplaceCulture #PeopleFirst #TalentLeadership #EmployeeExperience #OrganisationalGrowth

Leaders Don’t Burn Out from Pressure, They Burn Out from Invisibility. A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a leader. I asked him casually, “So, how’s it going? You just wrapped up your review!” He smiled and gave me the standard answers. Numbers? Met. Pipeline? Built. Challenges? Managed. On paper, he looked solid. Then I asked, “But do you feel seen?” Silence. A shift in the air. And then, almost under his breath: “Not really.” That struck me hard. I’ve heard the same line from leaders of all ages and roles. I’ve heard it from a 30-year-old manager trying to prove herself, from a builder in his 40s managing growth, and from a 50-year-old veteran keeping a division alive. They are different ages with different struggles, but they all share the same need. Every leader seeks recognition. But those who need it most often get it the least. We’ve created a myth that strong leaders don’t need acknowledgment. We think results should be enough reward. We believe that asking to be seen shows weakness. So, they don’t ask. When a rare compliment comes, they brush it off. “Just part of my job,” or “Anyone could have done it.” Meanwhile, the system operates differently. Reviews focus on what’s broken. Dashboards show red. Wins get a polite nod. It feels efficient, but it’s costly. Here’s the truth: Leaders don’t break under a heavy load. They break when no one notices they are carrying it. Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It creeps in quietly. Energy drains. Motivation fades. The spark goes out. But recognition can bring it back. One sentence can change the atmosphere: “I saw what you did. And it mattered.” That’s enough to turn exhaustion into energy. It’s enough to remind a leader why they started. Recognition is not just fluff. It’s fuel. It’s not about ego; it’s about energy. And science supports this. Hogan’s research shows that recognition is one of the top values leaders score high on across generations. The challenge? Most workplaces lack the rituals to meet that need. But recognition alone isn’t enough. In my Hogan work, I see this pattern: Leaders who can’t identify what drives them or accept recognition when it comes tend to feel stuck. That’s why self-awareness is the most essential skill of this decade. Self-aware leaders don’t just wait to be seen. They know what energizes them and what drains them. They can ask for what they need without shame and offer recognition freely to others. So here’s the challenge. If you lead teams, notice who around you is carrying weight unseen. Will you notice them before it’s too late? If you lead yourself, pause. Identify what drives you, what drains you, and the recognition you resist. What you notice grows. What you ignore fades. Leaders don’t burn out because they can’t handle the pressure. They burn out because the pressure hides their contributions. Those who last learn to see themselves and to recognize others before the silence overwhelms them. #careershifts

I’m often in leadership sessions where a woman will contribute something sharp, thoughtful, and clearly informed by experience. The room nods. Someone builds on her point. The conversation moves on. Later, in the break or after the session, she’ll find me. She’ll say something like, “I know I’m ready for more. I just don’t know how to say it without sounding pushy.” She’s confident in her work. She knows she’s good. She delivers and she’s relied on. What she’s unsure about isn’t her capability. It’s whether she’s allowed to name what she wants next. Without risking stepping on toes. In the room, she was present. Respected. Measured. What she didn’t do was make her ambition visible. Not because she lacks confidence, but because she’s learned to be reasonable, accommodating, and easy to work with. That’s where things quietly stall. Her capability is recognised. But her next-level potential isn’t fully felt. This isn’t about being louder. And it’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about clarity. About being intentional with your voice. About allowing others to see your readiness, not just benefit from your output. When women stop waiting to be recognised and start advocating with purpose, the way their leadership lands changes immediately. Have you seen this in rooms you've been in? Or it may resonate with you? #leadership #clarity #capability #voice #womeninbusiness #womeninleadership 

Is burnout silently crippling your team? It's way more than stress. Dr. Oliver Degnan and I discuss this urgent issue in the latest episode of the Speak Like a CEO podcast, with actionable strategies. Oliver is an author, CIO, entrepreneur, and a leading authority on burnout. We're getting to the heart of what's really driving this crisis and how to avoid burnout. Here's how to start combating burnout in your team: 1) Beyond Tiredness: Understand the difference between stress and true burnout. Burnout isn't just extreme tiredness; it involves cynicism, detachment, and a lack of accomplishment. Recognizing these distinctions is the first step to addressing it. 2) The Burnout Spectrum: Learn to recognize the stages of burnout. Burnout progresses, and early intervention is key. We discuss how to identify where individuals or your team might be on this spectrum and how to take preventative action. 3) The Mistrust Factor: Address the role of trust. A workplace with low trust can significantly increase burnout, even with a manageable workload. Foster open communication and transparency to build trust and reduce burnout. 4) Reconnecting with Your Tribe: Prioritize connection to combat isolation. Isolation is a major contributor to burnout. Encourage team bonding, social support, and a sense of community to buffer against burnout. 5) Harmony, Not Balance: Strive for sustainable harmony. The traditional concept of "work-life balance" sets an unrealistic expectation. Instead, aim for a more integrated and sustainable approach where work and life can coexist more harmoniously. This episode gives you strategies to reclaim your energy and lead with clarity. ♻️ Please share to help those in your network struggling with burnout & follow me, Oliver Aust, for daily tips on leadership communication.

How people feel at work shapes how they perform at work. That’s emotional culture—and in healthcare, it can fuel resilience or accelerate burnout. Burnout may be down from its peak, but nearly 1 in 2 clinicians still report emotional exhaustion. And the culture we create—day by day, interaction by interaction—either protects or depletes them. 📊 Compassion isn’t soft. It’s smart: Cleveland Clinic: Empathy training → ↑ patient satisfaction + ↓ burnout Nemours: Workflow + compassion → ↓ errors + ↑ morale Compassionate teams → ↓ burnout + ↓ ER visits (Barsade & O’Neill) Want better results? Start with how people feel. ✔️ Train leaders in empathy and psychological safety ✔️ Embed emotional support into daily workflows ✔️ Celebrate kindness and connection—not just KPIs Emotional culture isn’t a bonus feature. It’s a performance driver hiding in plain sight. #JustOneHeart #Culture #HealthcareLeadership #BurnoutPrevention #WorkplaceWellbeing #PsychologicalSafety #Psychology

Two similar situations. Two very different outcomes. Two examples — one this year, one last year. Both candidates had great starts in new roles. And both had something unexpected happen early on. Family issues that needed immediate attention. A few days off, right after starting. Same situation. Same lack of notice possible — these things happen suddenly. Same professionalism in how it was handled by the candidate. One client said: “Do what you need to do, we’ll manage.” The other said: “This isn’t ideal.” Here’s what happened next. Candidate #1 came back more committed, worked harder than ever, and became a trusted part of the team. Candidate #2 came back hesitant, disengaged, and was gone within six months. They felt disappointed — not because of the reaction itself, but because it was out of their control, and it gave them a glimpse of how future challenges might be met. It wasn’t the family issue that made the difference. It was how the employer reacted to it. Empathy doesn’t just feel good — it’s a performance lever. People don’t forget how you respond when they’re vulnerable. If you want engagement, start by showing understanding. If you want loyalty, show trust. P.S. The first week of employment sets the emotional tone for everything that follows. How you respond when something goes wrong early on doesn’t just reveal your culture — it defines it. A little empathy upfront can save you a replacement hire down the track. Your retention strategy should start on day one.